By Pam Jiranek
Marketing Committee Volunteer, WFGM

“I’m blessed in so many ways,” says Carol Fox, with a deep-felt belief that can be heard even over the phone. Considering the upheaval Carol has lived through over the last few months, her positive outlook is even more moving.

After 29 years of marriage, the 52-year-old diabetic working mother of two sons finally found the strength and support she needed to leave her abusive husband and move into her own apartment. There, her boys, ages 23 and 16, no longer need to share a bedroom, and Carol feels a sense of security that has eluded her for years. Her husband’s unpredictable behavior, exacerbated by alcohol, made going home difficult as “you never knew what you were going to walk into,” she explains.

Now, at the end of her day, she looks forward to going home. “The moment I get out of work, there’s hot food at home for the boys, good food.” And, unlike times before when her husband was saying hateful things to her sons, now “I can lock the door…I can protect them in some way.” And, making it feel even more like home is Carol's beloved Welsh Corgi. The rental agent was so charmed by the dog that, "She's written into the lease by name," Carol laughs.

Carol is one of the lucky Memphis women who have found the resources they need to leave an abusive situation with the help of Memphis Area Legal Service’s Opportunity Plus Program (OPP), which is part of the organization’s Domestic Violence Program. As Carol explains, ”I didn’t know what I needed to do legally,” so she turned to the phone book, found Memphis Area Legal Services, and was put in touch with OPP’s director, Debbie Casey.

OPP offers financial and emotional support to women who have made the decision to leave an abusive situation, in part with funding from the Women’s Foundation for a Greater Memphis. As Debbie explains, “we don’t want them to return to the abuser just for economic reasons.” With Casey’s guidance, the women and their families can get assistance with clothing, food, bus passes, getting a roof over their heads, and taking care of utility bills, along with the emotional support needed to “help the women become self-sufficient and self-sustaining.”

Carol is still trying to process just exactly where her life has taken her. “I did love this man 29 years ago and he loved me. You never stop loving him but I did not like what we had become.” Carol says she was brought up always to keep going and never give up, which may be why she says it was somewhat her fault that she stayed in the relationship too long. “Part of the process is realizing that it’s time to go.”

Even so, a great deal of courage is required to face the reality of what that means. “I just never for a moment thought I would be doing this, ever, ever.” But Carol knows her decision was the right one for her and her children. “It cost me everything but it’s given me my life back and freed my sons.” And it’s something she would not have been able to do on her own. “I just can’t say enough about the people who’ve helped me,” she states.

“There were some really dark days there for a while,” says Carol. She counts Debbie Casey’s emotional support, along with support from her family, as some of her many reasons for feeling blessed. “The first day I sat in Debbie’s office, that was a really tough day.” But there she found what she needed most. “She listens with an unconditional heart; therein lies the difference.”

Even with all she’s weathered, and with a tangle of financial and legal issues still to be worked through, Carol wants to give back to others. With a job, a car, health insurance, and an apartment, she realizes she has more than many other women in abusive situations. “I have so much to give,” she says. “The ordinary actions have the greatest impact on others-- listening unconditionally and believing in you and helping you to know you can believe in yourself.”